There is a fear that divine will is not good enough, the ego holds desperately on to its point of view and its options. All your pain and suffering comes from the false belief of how it should be, what it should be. There are two minds, there is the human mind, ego and the Divine Mind which is the collective whole. The ego has no more ability to determine or identify the future than a light-bulb has the ability to create light–although both are the vehicles of light. The ego is the conduit for divine expression. Atonement is when the Divine Mind, or should we say the ego perception, is in alignment with the Divine Mind.
That is the conflict you are experiencing. Individuality does not mean alienation, individuality is a means of expression, nothing more, nothing less.
Nothing has, nothing can, nothing will ever affect Divine Consciousness. Your pain and suffering, your struggles are the feeble attempt of the ego consciousness to maintain a foothold. The truth is found in where you identify your center. Do you see yourself physical seeking to live spiritual, or spiritual seeking to live physical? The answer is obvious, the implementation is not so easy.
You must have a point of expression, you must have a place of orientation. When one realizes there is nothing outward, only inward, there is no separation.
Atonement, at-one-ment, is the healing of that illusion of in and out. It is the outward mind, the outward perception that creates this pain for you, the inward perception is at peace, tranquility.
From the perspective of the Divine Mind, there is no distance. Be the face of God. Surrender every dream, every goal, thought, deed into the mind of God, the Divine Mind. All that is needed is choice. Why would we create the physical plane of existence in the first place? We, inclusive of you, do you even minutely comprehend that you are the creator of the creation in which you dwell, the very physical plane of existence.
For even God would be a slave unto itself if it did not have choice. Choice, freewill is seen as a gift, yet choice is the foundation on which Divine Consciousness is built. You must be fully and completely free to choose that which you desire. The wonderful thing is you do not need to do anything at all. Divinity is effortless. How can there be effort to that which already exists in you?
Your processes in your life are in direct proportion to your ego mind connection. You are a physical expression of thought, and all that you see is a manifestation of those thoughts.
The two minds are no more in opposition than the light-bulb and electricity, the pen and the hand. The ego identification is not a mind, it is an expression, a conduit.
Be joyful, playful, in the mind of God.